in eating/dining habits? I'm going to tell you which of my children I'm talking about, because I think age makes a difference -
My 8yo picks at her food, and by "picking" I don't mean she messes around with it and doesn't eat much. I mean she *destroys* her food as she is eating it by picking it apart - taking itty bitty pieces off the bread or anything else that she can finger feed and putting each in her mouth. She also combines this with putting on way too much (IMHO - it's not just "a lot" it's overflowing) ketchup/mustard/whatever. It's messy, it's gross, by eating in such little bites she winds up making little "mouth noises" which drive me batty (I have a thing about eating sounds, so I don't know if I'm totally overboard here).
Sooooo, I've encouraged her gently to stop, talking about manners, etc. Nothing. Finally I did something I probably regret and threatened that if she doesn't stop she's going to be excused from that meal.
I don't know why this is so important to me but it is. I feel like a scrooge though, but it's just GROSS and I don't want her eating like that at my table! Just pick up the stupid sandwhich and eat it like everyone else over five does! Ugh, sorry for ranting - I do it here so I don't do it to her face.
OK, one more rant, and I'd really love an answer to this because the past few years of frustration here hinge on this - WHY don't my kids ever stop doing the things I tell them to stop doing????? When I was a kid, if you told me not to pick at my food like that because it wasn't good table manners, I would have NEVER DONE IT AGAIN. OK, maybe I would have forgotten, ONCE. But my children just go on doing all these things I've told them over and over (and over and OVER) not to do. Talking does nothing, punishing does nothing, ignoring does nothing.) Whaaaaah!
Now for my original question - would you allow this at your table in an 8yo? How much "freedom" do you allow your kids at the table for little quirky habits like wanting a TON ketchup or destroying a sandwich or whatever. Am I a total contol freak ogre, or just a normal mom wanting my children to grow up with manners??
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About a year ago, we were out to dinner. At a table near us, a young couple were eating and it was pretty obvious it was a first (or one of their early) dates. The young man had ATROCIOUS table manners. He kept talking with his mouth full of food, didn't know how to properly use his utensils, smacked out loud while chewing (I could hear him at our table!), and WIPED HIS HANDS ON HIS JEANS. I was mortified for him and SWORE that would never be my children. My DH thinks I'm too hard on our boys (ages 5 & 7), but I don't think good table manners are too much to ask. If they don't learn them young, they will be at a disadvantage when they're older. I truly believe this. Sorry to have written a book, but I don't think you're wrong in your expectations. As far as too much ketchup, etc., try giving her a small cup for those things so she can't fill her plate (been there, done that!) As far as picking her sandwich to bits, perhaps cut it in 4 or 8 pieces for her, and don't let her make it any smaller. At least then she's not picking.
(sunshineisfree.blogspot.com)
I am quite casual when it comes to eating dinner. We usually read while eating, or eat at the lounge table, or while sitting on the back of the couch ... These things dont matter so much to me. But polite eating does. Hugely. I too have a thing about eating noises, and probably have harassed my poor kid too much about it, because when I compare her to other children she is a very neat, delicate eater. But I expect her to be absolutely silent, absolutely perfect. No fingers, no picking at things, no talking with her mouth full, etc. While sitting on the back of the couch, lol!
It is possible your dd has sensory issues. Otherwise she's just gotten into a bad habit. I would tend to focus on breaking that habit through encouragement and reward.
Last year we were just hoping my 2yo son would come to the dinner table wearing pants. This year we have a "No shirt, no undies, no dinner" type of rule. But that story was just to amuse you! I think I would try to curtail the picking out of the desire for neatness. I don't think you are being unreasonable.
Not unreasonable, but maybe she's not quite ready. My 6 year old sounds a lot like your 8 year old. She picks things to death so there are crumbs everywhere! I don't allow a lot of stuff to be put on their food like ketchup so that is not an issue for me.
But, I'm a big time control freak--ask my dh. ;)
Ok. If you're at my table, you follow my rules.
Can't do that?
Fine. Excuse yourself & go hungry.
It's not much to ask & goes along with 'please' & 'thank-you' & being kind to others. It's basics I'd say.
I know it's difficult to up hold though, 'cause Poppy is a "spirited child" & boy can they wear you down!
My kids hardly ever do what I ask on the first shot. It drives me nuts. They're a different animal altogether this generation...Xxx
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